My Day Out

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Yesterday was public day off, for thaipusam. Got great plans with some of my buddies. We agreed to go cycling to sungai congkak. We met up early at 7am and started climbing bukit langat. Everything was great until we reached the top of bukit langat. On the descending part of the hill, my buddy brake cable snapped and he kinda lost control of his bike. Felt into a small sewerage hole and fractured his left arm. Shit happens and it happened at that time, we went to get help and sent him to Hospital Ampang. By 9.30am i was at home again, damn boring since we decided to cancel the plan.

10.30am, felt like doing something. I left home and decided to go walking around town. It's been a long time since i last walked around K.L. Started my trip by going to Chow Kit first, then to Maju Junction, Pertama Complex, Sogo and to Masjid India. A lot has changed in K.L recently, buildings, roads. Sat down for a while at Dataran Merdeka before heading to Central Market and Petaling Street. Have lunch at Maulana Corner near Kota Raya and started walking again heading to Sungai Wang. Man do i love Sungai Wang, the best lace in K.L i reckon. Later heads to Lot 10 and Times Square. By 4pm i was on my way to KLCC, the road i used to take to get there has changed. I have to take a longet route to KLCC. Took me about an hour to get there. So many "tourist" are around the park, so i decided to just hang out at Kinokuniya. I left for home at about 6.30pm and arrived home at about 7.30pm.

Felt damn tired, but worth it. I get to see the city i lived in and the changes that happened in it. I love K.L so much that i wouldn't move anywhere else for a change. The not good part in this trip is i was alone all the way. Wish next time i decided to do so, i will have a companion to go around with.

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Guess being close to someone for a long time isn't good enough to be trusted. Even after all that you've done, including some mishaps. I must be a fool just to let those be some reason to get too emotional. Am i really hard to be trusted, maybe.... maybe of what i used to be. I tried to change, i needed to change just to get to someone's heart. I'm not what i used to be three years ago.

Why i cared so much, why i cared too much? Something about a person just attracts me, makes me wants to be a better person i am today. Seems not good enough though, not enough even to have some trust put in me. Still it's hard for me to just let go, no matter what i do.... I cried, wondered, worried if that someone would be fine with who i am. No regrets at all, no matter what is said and thrown at me.....

Why? Do i still care? never a moment could i forget that person, such a smile and grace. but i'm too proud to just let it past..... should i just say it, say that i still care and misses the thoughts of being together. Afraid, i'm afraid she'll turns to someone else other than me....

Please give me some time to think and clear all these thought and make my mind straight again, i beg of you. Please let me still care no matter how arrogant you might be, even if there is always another person for you out there. Some thing is better kept than said. if i do say it i might lose it, the things i cherished all these years.

So i beg of you, please give me some time. Consider your pain as mine and mine is yours. As always, as it used to be..... PLEASE UNDERSTAND.....

Let me go...

E***... A** tau apa e*** dh buat.. Knape kaco privacy orang??? Sblm ni e*** buat, a** dh bole maafkan.. Tp skrg a** tak akan maafkan e***...

The moment that came to screen, my heart felt so F***kin down, black, sick, dead....
Got me thinking what i've done in the past matters the most. Last night i wasn't sleepin' well, felt so down, felt really blanked. For all these years i cared too much for this one person. Feeling happy, mad, worried for this person. After i lost the one i loved so much, i've put all my attention to this person. This is where i get to release and forget myself of the pain i felt over these years.

Finally i put myself to understand better not push further, let my self be free.... no need to care, no need to worry, no need to feel sad for this person. Although it might take some time to do so. I've been through worst and manage myself. Maybe some other day and time perhaps......

I Fu**iN Quit!!!

Why continue since i lost the reason to keep going on. The one reason i kept continuing blogging is no more. Guess this is where it end, until time and courage push me back to continue writing....

To those of you out there, thanks for visiting and i appreciate you guys checking my short lived blog.

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Don't you care for her? Of course I do, she'a a number one priority. I'd care for her so much more than i care for myself. I'd care for her so much that it hurts.

It hurts not being able to see her, it hurts not being able to know whats she's doing, it hurts when she turns to someone else and not me.... or is it just me being a selfish.

What's with this feeling anyway, an obsession?It's something that should be said to the one, but couldn't find the courage to do so. Might as well let time takes it's toll on me.

Life does go on even for an otaku like me. Might as well try to keep things off from my mind from this time being. Watch an anime, fix some gunpla's, read some manga or doujin or just play games. Just to forget about that someone. Why can't it be easy like in the movies.......

Untitled....

I did something stupid today, really stupid. Just because i can't confess doesn't mean i have the right to be mad at that certain someone. I'm dazed, confused by this feeling i have inside of me. I screw up my morning and be mad at someone i care the most. Hope she has the heart to forgive me, for being such a jerk. This regret is killing me more than anything else i ever felt before....

Beck - Slip Out

I don't know since when I changed to such a cold-hearted guy
I have to warm this frozen, icy, lonely heart to thaw
I like being wrapped with warmness more than anything else for sure I'm gonna make my coming days to be filled with laughter and joy

I let myself down that I'm more cruel than I thought I would be
I'm just a loser who ends up by caring for my soul
I don't give my heart to no one cause I don't wanna waste my time
I tried to love this loneliness to slip out of this lonesome hole

Sorrow is what I hate but it's grown my sensations
Regrets taught me how to make any hard decisions
Peace is always by my side but I've never felt it once
Love is not the word only for the sweet romance
Well, I'm scared, scared, scared, scared to death
And I'm scared to keep on going on my way
Well, I'm scared, scared, scared, scared to death
And I'll tell myself I'm special till the end

Recalling my torn, broken, aching heart of these long days
And all the memories I wanted to forget for making leaps
Recalling, breaking, aching, crying, making sure to me
And I take all and grin at my future on the way

Not so "Happy New Year"

Might be a bit late, but still "HAPPY NEW YEAR". Been too distrought lately to write anything, can't think of anything. Anyways, how is new year up to now? Enjoyed it? anything happened?. I've hated mine already. Shit!!! felt mad, frustrated, disappointed.There's an old saying that goes "Good things will eventually comes to an end". It did actually happened, and it sticks through my mind that i can't sleep at night. It suck!!!! Already three days in the new year, a lot of things happened. Thanks to my Uber Smart Ass Boss, torn my office upside down. Some of those whose really close to me left the company for good, left with really hard feelings. Kinda sad when you see them grew along with this once so small dept of mine. This relationship we have is like siblings, more than just mere fellow co-workers. I cared so much for them, some are like little sisters to me. Hope what you do out there is way better than here. Wish all the good comes to the best and the bad doesn't goes worse to you.

Things just really moved on, some do bad and some do good to you. It's up to you to decide for yourself. Sometimes you just got to let things happen and see the consequences. I just hope things that happens after this might be better. I just hope these relationships that i have with all the people around me never ceases.